she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
he puts the penis in happiness.
If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
Randomize
