am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
he's werid. hell kiss me after i go down on him but he wont kiss me after i eat anything with mustard.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Was just walking through the park by the river. Saw some random in a tree, we climbed up, blazed with him and bought a bag. In the tree. Real shit.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
If I ever see that bitch it is going down flavor of love style
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
