trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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