I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
