Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
You texted me a picture of your face along with #help
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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