I swear she didn't look like that last week.
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
How does it feel to date your dad?
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
