What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
we did it on the carpet and she just yells out "OH. MY PSORIASIS".
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Im laying on the couch wishing someone was here to pour wine in my mouth. I need an alcohol IV
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
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