Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
Randomize
