Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
