your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
i drank out of my shoe...were you seriously expecting me to be the voice of reason?
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Randomize
