every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I gotta give him props though, I've never been propositioned for sex via flash mob.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
