Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
The Domino's delivery guy is in front of me at The Wendy's drive-through. Hmmm.....
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
