We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
He texted me at 2am telling me to come get my American flag from his place, if that's not code for sex idk what is
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
Randomize
