dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
We put you in the box and you started to cry, that's how high you were.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
Randomize
