I'm glad you talked me out of that flying penis tattoo.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
I feel like I got run over by a bus full of inebriated Scotsmen on the way to a soccer riot.
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
Randomize
