so it turns out that "condoms galore" does, indeed, come up on your bank statement
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I want you inside of me and on top of me and under me and behind me
Basically I need you to be like god, just fucking everywhere
My 19 year old brother just hooked up with his 45 year old cougar kindergarten teacher. These sorts of situations make me realize why the sorority girls call him Wondercock
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
I also guarantee you multiple orgasams and blueberry pancakes
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
