If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
i jus got home and totaly forgot i had nut all over the back of my shirt
..im mad u rememberd about that
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
The cop busted in, made the music stop, and goes "GUYS LISTEN UP! DRINK, DO DRUGS, HAVE UNPROTECTED SEX, I DONT GIVE A FUCK, JUST QUIET DOWN!" Best. Cop. Ever.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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