sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
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