May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
yeah my parents were only ten feet away and we somehow managed to do it in five different positions without them noticing
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
honestly, i just want you to have sex with him too so that you can fully understand my appreciation of his dick as well.
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Remember that cop that blew me in the parking lot a few weeks ago? He's possibly with his wife and kids shopping at Target.
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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