I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Randomize
