i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
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