Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
