shes about as inviting as chlamydia
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
In my defense, I haven't stolen anyone's clothes yet.
Yeah, that's a plus.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
Randomize