the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
My complete lack of self respect has really improved my blow job technique
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
Randomize
