How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'm playing the sound guy on a porno set
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
