How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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