I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
4 maple syrup blunts. Decided to sit on my roof and count the snowflakes that landed on my tongue. 84.
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
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