I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
Not many best friends can say they've all made out with a homeless guy
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
