Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
My body has become completely dependent on Text Twist. I can't poop without it.
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
Randomize
