Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I'm glad my gym is open 24 hours..I stopped in on my way home to puke from the bar
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I had sex with her because I didn't want to hurt her feelings.. You're the one who told me I should be more sensitive.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
