Sometimes I find that I've been touching my boob(s) without even realizing it.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
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My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
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First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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