You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
drunk waterpark is besst waterpark.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Need a Dr's note to excuse me from blowjobs for 3-6 weeks while my jaw heals..
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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