at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
She says ass holes are for stuffing, the verb, not stuffing, the noun.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
