I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
You'd be surprised how many calories hedonism burns.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Randomize
