Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
he was banged his ex for coke the whole time and is still the best guy so far this year. standards need to be raised.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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