He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
if im not pregnant im gonna be so pissed for spending the money from my weed fund on the test
wow, a mother in the making
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My mom told me to get it out of my system now bc once I hit 30 it's not acceptable to get "white girl wasted".
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Randomize
