Pregnant stripper...not hot.
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
