I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Based off the amount of cat hair on my poncho....i stole a cat last night.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Randomize
