i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
