Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I remember looking at his body and thinking wow you have a body sculpted by Jesus himself. Still not sure if I said that out loud or not
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
You randomly sent me a black Santa Claus emoji at 2am. I think alcohol was involved.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
