so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
Every time I remember you're bi, the world gets a little brighter.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I didn't notice because vodka
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
