I faked an abortion last night.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
This show inspires me to have sex in space
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Randomize
