Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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