good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
he told me I talked like a deaf person
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
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