in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
sometimes i wish i had boobs. not on me. just like in a drawer.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
Don't mind me. My boyfriend is carrying me because I'm broken not because I'm drunk.
It's not even 9:30 yet..
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
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