Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The chlamydia really affected his face.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I talk a lot when I drink rum. he was going down on me and i was telling him how i wished i could tap dance. oh god
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
This wine tastes amazing. It's like a fermented hug.
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