k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I can HEAR him staring at your boobs.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
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