my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
i just bought weed at the top of a mountain, best decision of our lives to go to school in colorado.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
I wish everyone could suck his dick. It was an honor.
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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