and my herpes radar will keep us safe
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
Just remembered when I first started going down on him he goes "ok now I feel a little better about the broncos losing"
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize
