After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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