i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
He pretended my clit ring was a door knocker.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
