jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
