I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
We had to coat check the pizza.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
the tv said "its small, its comfortable..." and i started laughing... safe to say he lost any dignity he had left...
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
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