I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
We got so high we made milksteak
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
