so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
He used the term 'cock-staggering' in an email. So needless to say things are going pretty well.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Randomize
