we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
Randomize
