There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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