God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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