why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I don't deserve a penis
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
i just want to cuddle, make out and maybe have a boob grabbed but no. someone has to have mono.
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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