I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
also referred to as T.P.S. (Toddler Penis Syndrome)
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
I started sorting laundry at 6 am. He finally got the hint and left
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
My vagina is not really on board with my "emotional issues"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.