Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Sitting in back of morning lecture drinking a daqueri from my pink unicorn cup. Pretty sure the girl next to me smells it.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
