I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
dear vagina, thank you for making it so goddamn hard to get pregnant. i love you.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
