Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
You can't call dibs 8 years later.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
He is just a personification of a vodka hangover.
Yes. Sex with questionable women, and made of potatoes.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
