I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
All I can see in the pic you sent is white shorts...
Thas my pasnts in colleg! Tehy glow! AND SMELL LIKE BEER!
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
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