All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
Randomize