Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
