just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
I can't finish this paper in my room because every time I get distracted I start masterbating. I think it's time to go to the library...
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
Randomize
