Measuring your booze intake in glasses is like measuring Rosie O'Donnell's weight in ounces.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
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We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
How do you feel?
Like the devil himself shit me out, baked me into a pie, ate the pie, and shit me out again.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
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I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
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